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Holistic Therapy #11: WATER

Finding water in nature, like I mention in my previous blog entry, is important! But water is also essential to being found WITHIN each and every one of us as well!

Chronic dehydration is really an epidemic in our modern culture.

People choose drinks like coffee, tea, sodas, etc., even so called "healthy" sport waters, and really THINK that they are getting water.

Yet in fact, anything other than water requires that the body receives MORE water to compensate for the digestive and/or detoxing outcomes of whatever ingredients are IN each of those drinks!

I used to think that as long as I drank these things without dairy additives or sweeteners, then it wouldn't be t too hard on my body to process them.

However, I have since learned by experience that even the skin on my face is brighter when I stay away from those other drinks and consume more of that crystal clear water from our generous Earth.

When I am dealing with a person who has trouble focusing, however, and that person chooses to zone OUT instead of IN, it can often be difficult for them to "remember" to drink water, much less notice when they are thirsty instead of hungry.

So I literally "scheduled in" on Claire's calendar times for drinking water, placed full stainless steel water containers on her desk, and made sure that she had consumed all of the intended water by the end of the day.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

As time has gone on though, I have found that what determines her daily intake is still totally dependent on, you guessed it, ME!!! So you're going to have to wait for a few more posts of mine to hear about how I am handling THIS ongoing issue.

As a preview though . . . it may have to be that Claire not only learns to respect water more, but also learns that she deserves to GIVE these simple "gifts" to herself!

But . . . all in good time. Have I mentioned lately that patience needs to be the first lesson of everyone involved?

Holistic Therapy #10: OUTDOORS/NATURE

I think that the outdoors provides answers for MANY issues! It seems like such a simple fix, and yet it IS!!!

Rather than say too much about this, just know that to those who are “sensitive” to the vibrations of others, who are high anxious or hold a great need to “zone out” from the world . . . it seems that nature provides the BEST way of zoning IN to provide that frequency of "calm."

And, when a person can find a whole body of water, or a simple creek that flows freely in nature, to be incorporate into this experience, then these are even better sources of peace.

So we did our best to encourage Claire to go outside into the neighboring woods whenever the weather warranted. We put this on her schedule and gave a minimum of time for her to be out.

We have a small lake nearby, AND we have a flowing creek on our property.

The best part though is that we also have a dog … a golden retriever, to be exact, and this “excuse” of giving him exercise is often a great way to get Claire out the door.

Could YOU resist this face if it asked YOU for a walk???

The dog’s name is Einstein, but you don't have to be "very smart" to know that this just may be one of the EASIEST therapies that every ONE of us should take advantage of . . . every day!!!!

Holistic Therapy #9: CREATIVE EXPRESSION – Arts, Crafts, & Music

Life: My thoughts are that we get to “engage” in life by expressing something creative … whether that be through art, crafts, music, dance, cooking, gardening, building … you name it!

From the time we are born, we begin to explore our surroundings by observation. Then we become ENGAGED in our surroundings by creating our own interpretation of what we see/hear/taste/touch/etc.

This is life at its best … just as the bird sings for the sheer sake of singing … the flower blooms for the sheer “pleasure” of being … we all seem to exude a sort of “divine expression” whenever we express creatively about our lives.

Healing: So too do these creative outlets allow us to express things that we wouldn’t normally want to express to anyone else. Creative outlets can allow us to express our anger, our pain, our disgust, our fears … by shaping clay, slapping some paint on a canvas, journaling our deepest fears, or even throwing ourselves into the act of manual efforts!

We can VERY often “heal” from the simple act of “telling our story!”

Theoretical vs. Actual: Now that some time has passed though, I can tell you that my initial plan incorporated creative expression in Claire’s schedule every day. But I soon learned that it was ME who had to ASK her to “create” every time.

Is that true “creating” … or is it “busy work?”

Claire had a very creative personality by nature, yet she did not CHOOSE to do any creating when left to her own devices.

She DID seem to LOVE to create whenever it involved other people though, so I wondered if it wasn’t a greater need for her to learn other things first.

I think that creative expression is ALWAYS a way to inspire individual growth, and that opinion hasn’t changed. But at the time now, looking back on it, I saw that what she REALLY needed was to learn to love herself.

Because it was at this time when I only BEGAN to understand the depths of her fears … that she might not be perfect, that she might not be loveable, that she might be so many of the horrible things SHE thought she was!

And it was perhaps around THIS understanding that I finally began to understand more about HOW her healing could MAYBE emerge …

Holistic Therapy #8: LIFE SKILLS – Driving

At age 18 and about to turn 19, Claire had never so much as gotten her driver’s permit. Oh, she had tried and failed to pass the written test, but each time she took the computerized version at the test center, this only served to heighten her anxiety with every wrong answer she managed to type in. (The computerized test is set up to give you immediate feedback, which only frightens her more).

So I started with her INability to study for the written exam.

Now Claire is a VERY bright girl, yet she couldn’t seem to remember the facts from the driver’s manual because they had no “story” behind them! They were just a bunch of random facts!!!!

So I leaned on her other strengths of mind by showing her how to take this information and make it visual.

I showed her how to fold a piece of paper in half, write a ‘question’ on the left side, and on the right side (under the fold), she wrote the correct ‘answer” to that question.

This alone turned all that “random data” into a visual format that allowed her to make it a visual pattern that could “stick” in her mind.(She still studied for hours and hours on this, but I think it was mainly a lack of focus, as she had only just moved in with us at the time).

Happily, this “technique” worked VERY well for her. She went to take the test the next day when it would be SLOW at the driving test center. But before she entered, I told her to breathe deeply and relax in order to suppress her anxiety. And I also told her that we’d just simply come back every day if need be, until she was able to pass the exam.

She passed it with flying colors!!! She was so proud! She told everyone she could think of, and she couldn’t wait to get started to drive.

I tried being her trainer behind the wheel but couldn’t take it. (No, don't ask). So I hired a safety driving instructor who could teach her all the defensive driving tips AND the components that would comprise the actual driving test she would have to take.

After hours of instruction, Claire’s driving has improved to the point where I can now “stand” to be an instructive passenger with her. (But I fear that it may be a long time yet before I can say that I am actually COMFORTABLE with her driving!) She is learning though, and every day gives her a bit more experience.

I have noted that she really needs to watch her blood sugar. When she has not eaten recently, she is especially ‘dangerous’ with her driving decisions.

Her high anxiety response has her reacting to things with “a panic attack” that makes it very scary for her AND for the passenger.

So we are working on techniques that remind her to ‘get control’ and STAY in control, whenever she is in place behind the wheel. Amazingly, just having a conversation with her about this a few times has SEEMED to cement this in place (but it could also be that she’s simply gotten more confident with her driving skills.)

I have seen some other issues that scare me even MORE about her way of handling things, but I will address this later after I get through all of my Holistic Therapy techniques. For now, just know that we are progressing with our young driver.

And yes … we hope that very SOON she will be officially licensed.

Holistic Therapy #7: RESEARCH – DISC profile & medication history

I cannot say enough about how helpful it has been for me to learn about the things I can do personally to better “manage” Claire and her “unusual” way of processing thoughts, and the tool I used to help me with this is the DISC personality profile.

The wealth of knowledge I learned from this assessment, I admit, COULD also be because the assessor happens to be an extremely gifted person who can take whatever test results appear on a page and turn them into a practical understanding that brings it all to “life” for the “real world.”

[I recommend this DISC assessment professional without hesitation. She works by phone too, so you can find JoAnne Myers at her website of www.SunstoneCoach.com or by email at jo@sunstonecoach.com.]

What I learned about Claire from this DISC assessment is that she absolutely MUST learn how to “get herself grounded” whenever possible, for her results showed her as almost literally ready to “float off this earth!”

This means that it was essential for me to teach her HOW to get grounded, and for Claire, the best way has been for her to use Reiki techniques that teach her to stop, get centered, breathe deeply, and envision herself sending roots through her feet that go deep into the earth. This simple technique has quickly helped her to learn to calm her mind and settle her fears.

We have continued to use this constantly, and she has finally learned to now do it even in some “more anxiety provoking” situations for her. However, I admit that I am STILL constantly reinforcing it to her! But do know that the technique itself does work!

The other major things I learned about Claire through DISC are:

1. She needs a “plan” every day. She does well with a consistent schedule, so we are going to continue to use that free electronic Google Calendar for her, which we set up so that I can enter things onto it as well as she can.

2. Her primary motivation in life is to “serve.” No matter what I might do to try to steer her in life, I needed to remember to link it back to how it will serve OTHERS even more than it will serve her.

3. She needs to feel as if she’s a part of a community or team that is trying to accomplish a particular goal. She needs a high degree of contact with others. [Just as an aside: Claire in fact DOES do well on her own, but what she will DO with that time is anything that allows her to be “mindless” and “zone out,” which therefore in the end serves only to “depress” her. So it is ESSENTIAL that she gets a job that puts her out in the world in order to be happy.] She then, however, is also loyal to her community to a fault, and this can “hurt her” when she’s faced with supposed friends that are not supportive of her because it is never easy for her to “let go” of them.

4. She likes to be told what to do rather than plan it herself. This is why she needs to feel as if she is working on the overall goal of someone else’s “big picture idea.” But this is also why she doesn't make good use of her time unless she is outwardly directed! In other words, she is not a person to be “self-employed” (at least not at this point).

5. She doesn’t like conflict. Perhaps this is the other BIG THING that we found out about Claire from her DISC results. She likes “harmony” above all else! And although we technically KNEW this, her test results helped us to see JUST how important it is for her to have this in her surroundings. Harmony, to Claire, also means beauty in her surroundings … through appearances and feelings.

6. I also learned (which was often STRONGLY reinforced through my own personal experiences with her), that Claire takes directions best when the steps are NOT auditory but are converted to visual. However, Claire likes a fast pace and tends to also “jump ahead” too fast and not always slow down enough to SEE the very information on this list of steps she needs to read sometimes when you make directions visual. So … I have had to learn that it’s important to be VERY clear in EVERY way possible to help her with this. It’s exhausting sometimes. But I do find that using IMAGES and even SYMBOLS are the BEST, most EFFICIENT way for me to express things to her.

7. Feedback is best for her when it’s immediate. This is not all that unusual a trait, but it is once again helpful for me to realize that she is always going to be OUTWARDLY directed vs. inwardly. I am hoping that she will GAIN some balancing traits for this over time.

8. She doesn’t like detail. This has become even more evident to me as time has gone on. But at least now I know that it’s not her being “lazy” or “sloppy.” Detail is simply not her forte. She IS good with people though. So her friendliness, sense of empathy, and willingness to SERVE others might not always have to be with details. So now if I can only get her past her fear of those who seem to “different” from her, then we’ve got it made because she will be able to go ANYWHERE in the world and be of service. This is what she TELLS us she wants to do, but at this point in time, I know for a FACT that she would be too frightened. IF she is with a group of others LIKE her, however, THEN she will be fine

9. She doesn’t like change. This is also very indicative of a person with Asperger’s. Probably ADHD and Tourette’s are also like this. What works best for Claire is a stable and predictable environment. Even though she is intelligent and will likely need to challenge herself more over time in order to remain stimulated and engaged, she still prefers a SLOW transition into anything new. But with the right encouragement, she might be able to handle these challenges well.

10. She does best when she can SINGLE task and COMPLETE each item before she moves on to the next. She loves to check off things on her list. She is quite conservative in everything she does, but she is willing to do ANYTHING if it will label her with others as being “easy to work with.” This is again something I need to address with her by helping her to rebuild her level of self-confidence. We are all BORN with self-confidence. It’s the things that happen to us in life that erode our confidence … one event at a time.

These are the things I took forward with me in helping her form personal goals for the SHORT term and THEN look closer into what she might want to do the rest of her life.

As for determining her history with medications, we have our appointment with her doctor on the calendar ... but THAT ... is going to be awhile!!!!

Holistic Therapy #6: EDUCATION – Energy Therapies, healthy cooking, & more

As a young woman who has dealt all her life with the labels of Asperger’s, ADHD, High-Functioning Autism, and you-name-it, Claire grew up with no real “marketable” skills. She never even had so much as a BABYSITTING job because no one felt confident with her ability to stay focused!

But when you approach Claire from another completely holistic perspective, you can see her “gifts” and skills because they stand out so much as “unusual,” even though these things STILL don't unfortunately translate easily into a darn ol' “usual” “marketable skill!” :)

So I tried to work on this differently:

I was eager to educate Claire in all the areas for which she had interest, and help her find her OWN talents and gifts AND PASSION (no matter WHAT potential direction I could see in her)!

Now sometimes this means I must think “outside of the box!” But even more importantly and usually with much more difficulty, with a person like Claire I must think outside of my "comfort zone!”

So I looked closely at Claire’s “gifts,” and her biggest is being able to perceive energies and frequencies to an unbelievable degree. Honestly, I believe she is the type who could replace an EKG machine if given half the chance!!!

So I set out to get her some training that would help her to “use” this gift – I found her a source for this Reiki training, and she loves this as well as the instructor who seems to understand her VERY well. She is going to add to this additional education on the use of crystals and gems in healing. With her love of making jewelry, this could be a great fit ... IF she is able to carry this love through to a complete overall marketable plan!

If Claire is drawn to the energy therapies over time, then I will consider getting her even more “marketable” training, perhaps even within the more “traditional” areas like Healing Touch, Massage Therapy, or Chiropractic education. These credentials would then make it even easier for her to become more mainstream.

But so far at first glance, Claire hasn’t seemed all that interested in taking this "gift of reading energies" to the next level of offering healing. Currently, she is only interested in using this Reiki training privately, to help herself to feel grounded as well as to give others an occasional “sending of Reiki energy” to help them to heal. And her gift of making jewelry means that she will also need to learn how to market her wares in a practical way.

But Claire is also “gifted” in her desire to cook. I personally teach her to cook dishes that are healthy and also encourage her to research and find RECIPES that are tasty AND healthy.

Although Claire is probably MOST interested in baking and creating sweets, I am NOT currently "allowing" her to pursue that area and have explained to her that this field would be like putting an alcoholic into the career of being a bar tender. But I COULD envision her some day being a "healthy bakery chef" of a whole foods movement or something! (But again, this is probably MY vision for her and not HER vision [... at least not yet!])

I HAVE found some local cooking classes too for her to attend. I found one on how to cook five different types of fish, taught by a relatively new chef school graduate.

Cooking classes are out there if you look for them (at least in the bigger cities). But don't hesitate to ask around for such things WHEREVER you live, as there's a LOT of interest in cooking AND in healthy nutrition!

Claire has also had a strong interest in Oriental cultures, and when her conversations have consistently mentioned that she wants to serve the world in some capacity some day, I offered her the chance to pursue learning languages through our local library resources.

I am trying to put lots of different ideas before her, but if she does not pursue any of them on her OWN, then I just let them fade away.

The thing about a person with ADHD or Asperger’s is that they will AVIDLY pursue something when it REALLY interests them. It’s up to ME then to act as her guide and help her put her passions into perspective with her own expressed BIGGER goals.

In other words, I must keep bringing her back to the question (almost every day) of: what does she want her future to look like?

And since she has been telling others that she’s “just taking a semester off” from college, then I asked her if going back to school some day IS a real goal of hers.

I took a lot of time with this dialogue, to determine if her responses were simply based on a desire to avoid confrontation with the others in her family who DID want her to go to college, or was it HER goal. (And I must admit, although she continues to say that it IS her goal, I personally think that her response is mostly due to the fact that she doesn’t have any other real “vision” for herself).

I don't want Claire to spend TOO much focus on college until she has a REASON for attending. She currently lacks the drive (typical of Asperger’s) to turn in any homework. But when she determines WHY she wants to go for further education, then she will herself be the type to do it with passion!

So . . . since Claire continues to say that this IS HER future goal, then together we discussed how to go about signing up for one class at the local community college over summer. It was explained that the class must be on the topic of a major requirement, such as math, science, or language. And we discussed that this would give her the opportunity to see how it would "feel" to do this so that she really COULD return to college full time in fall if that's what she wants.

But NOW we shall see if she actually takes the next step and DOES anything to make this happen!

Claire has other interests and gifts, but so far we have not incorporated them into an overall "education" plan for most of them seem to be based on "mindless play" that in the past would allow her to mentally "zone out."

She loves plants, which is a wonderful way for her to remain grounded, so we hope that perhaps she can get a job working at a plant nursery. She loves singing, so we hope that she can find a way to become involved with a group of others who sing, such as in a church choir. She loves dancing, so we hope that she can find a way to express this in a local class or even with a singing group that includes dancing.

But so far, it’s mainly all been the ADULTS around her finding things for Claire. I am still waiting for HER to take ownership of finding SOMETHING that she truly “loves” to do enough to DO IT!

I have continued to guide her with ideas and follow-up, but if our MUTUAL goal is for Claire to become independent, then I must say that I feel a bit discouraged in that it may be a long time before she “grows up” enough to take this path of autonomy.

I do have hope though, that by getting a job Claire will gain some confidence and thereby be able to envision herself in a new light of comfort in her own maturity. So I needed to do my research about her to learn more about what she is capable of doing.

If there is anything I am missing here, or you found something that worked for YOU
. . . please let me know by leaving a comment or two that I can take to heart.